Knight’s Life Comic, The normaL, 3/28/2025

As has become a tradition for The Lamron’s executive board (e-board), we take time to check in with one another and let our true sentiments gush forth from the pits in which they’ve morbidly festered.

On Aug. 23, 2024, all members of the Geneseo community received an email from President Denise Battles. In this email, Battles announced that she would conclude her presidential service in the summer of 2025. It is with great respect that we say farewell to Denise Battles and display a grand welcome to SUNY Geneseo’s new President— and his name is John Cena.

After its soft opening on Nov. 7, 2024, Milne Library will be shutting its doors for continued construction. Though no exact reason has been given yet for the sudden reclosure, students are encouraged to retake their former study spots in the MacVittie College Union by any means necessary.

Listen, I know a lot of people think I’m just jealous of her because she somehow managed to pull Edward Cullen last year, but I swear this isn’t about that. Bella Swan is just… strange.

Arts & Entertainment Comic, The normaL, 3/28/2025

As an avid horror enjoyer, there are many things that I believe could have been avoided in horror movies if the characters weren’t so goddamn naive and just plain stupid. A lot of the shit that happens in these movies could have been avoided if protagonists had minded their damn business, but nooooo, everybody has to be a hero nowadays. That’s bullshit, save yourself bitch!

Every year when the calendar flips to March, sports fans are treated to the annual National Collegiate Athletic Association (NCAA) Division I men's basketball, better known as “March Madness.”

Since the existence of social media platforms such as YouTube and TikTok, there have been trillions of influencers and content creators apologizing for scandals they created. The scandals and cancellations usually go like this: one ridiculously rich person does something to another ridiculously rich person, they make videos about each other, and then the internet goes batshit crazy— either choosing a side or revealing more information on why these influencers should be canceled.

The locker room was almost empty. Most of the guys had already showered and left, but Stephen lingered, running a towel over his damp hair. The rink was quiet now, the sharp echo of skates against ice replaced by the distant hum of the Zamboni— he wasn’t alone.

On Monday, Mar. 3, 2025, SUNY Geneseo Athletics reclassified their Division III program to Division I after bypassing the minimum five-year period of being Division II. Due to the impressive performances by both varsity and club sports teams, the National Collegiate Athletic Association (NCAA) recognizes the triumphs of past and present years. 

On Saturday, I decided to wind my evening down with a movie and a glass of wine, logging into the family Netflix account. In opening Netflix, I saw that in the “Continue Watching” section was something by the name of Heartstopper (2022- ).  

For eleven years, a Groundhog Day scandal has been kept under wraps, and that all stops today. From beyond the grave, I got the opportunity to sit with Charlotte, who has been denied a last name by those trying to cover up her existence. Charlotte was murdered at the hands of Bill de Blasio in 2014. She is finally ready to speak her truth about what happened on that fated day. 

The Ice Knights have been Geneseo’s shining stars for a long time. While their performance on the ice has been spectacular, they have been looking into new performance enhancers off the ice. Some may assume the players will be using unsafe substances like steroids ​​to enhance their athletic or physical performance; however, I must report that this situation is much more serious and infinitely more dangerous. 

A few years ago, there was a popular meme within the Pokémon community about whether one of every Pokémon could beat one billion lions. Unless you have zero knowledge of Pokémon, I think it’s pretty obvious that the lions would lose. Sure, the wild cats have the numbers advantage, but what the fuck are they gonna do when rows of Pikachu use thunderbolt on the battlefield?

After multiple waves of impeachments and undercover corruption, the Geneseo Student Association (SA) has been shut down indefinitely, and all fees will be redirected to President Denise Battles’ grocery fund after the investigation. 

Like Jesus himself, I have been resurrected to this platform to speak out against indecencies in our media. That’s right, my darling bitches, my bob has fresh, chunky highlights and my thigh-high boots are on, ready to walk you right into enlightenment.

The New York Giants are horrible. For the last decade of my life, I have had to watch this “professional” team make poor decisions after poor decisions and pretend that I was having fun. Today is the day I finally rant about the New York Giants for about 500 words.

Another day, another liberal ruining it. People don’t want to talk about it, but I have been personally victimized by every person who voted for that bitch Kamala— and she didn’t even win. I know Trump is making some progress, and yet I still find every moment of my life made more shitty by a liberal idiot with blue hair and pronouns.

Are you a lonely, vitamin-D-deprived young adult? Has it been months since you have touched— or even seen —grass that does not resemble your roommates' damaged blonde hair? Never had an excuse to leave your dorm bed and get your blood circulating? If you are a student at SUNY Geneseo, the answer to all those questions is “yes.”