This weird bitch is getting weirder
Photo courtesy of Gage Skidmore / Wikimedia Commons
I can't believe this weird bitch ditched ME, her friend, for some weird ass, handsome, hot, sexy hunk- I mean.. Um, some weird guy who is probably using her to get into her pants. Am I right, guys..? Guys?
Listen, I know a lot of people think I’m just jealous of her because she somehow managed to pull Edward Cullen last year, but I swear this isn’t about that. Bella Swan is just… strange. Like she was sort of okay last year— I mean, she was new and everything, maybe we just didn’t know her yet —but I genuinely don’t know what the fuck is wrong with her now. I thought we were friends! I did my best! I was trying to be there for her and everything, but the bitch is clearly not okay.
When she first came here in the middle of last year, I reached out to her and befriended her. I was seriously just trying to be nice— I mean, she showed up stuttering, pale, and totally socially awkward— someone needed to step up, and I did! I kept her in the loop and let her know all the gossip; I even warned her about the Cullens and their weird, vaguely incestual situation (and their tendency to reject super pretty, super funny, super popular girls, but that’s beside the point, I guess). She seemed to fit into our group well enough— everyone was annoyingly obsessed with her just because she was new, but we were all really respectful and everything, I swear. She ate lunch with us and even hung out with us.
Then there was one really weird day when we went dress shopping for prom. She was staring out the window of the dress shop and being typically dramatic and broody (seriously, not to sound like a gross man, but that girl really needs to smile more). Then she decides that she’s going to ditch our planned outing to go to a bookstore— which was kind of annoying, but whatever, you know, I’m not going to be a bitch about it —then, when we were done, we couldn’t find her anywhere. She just didn’t come back.
I guess we could’ve waited for her, but I was so hungry, and honestly, she left us. Not my fault! So, it was just Angela and I at dinner, which was lovely, but then Bella showed up right after we finished— and she’s with Edward. Freaking. Cullen.! I may have gotten slightly distracted by his weirdly pretty face (it’s not normal, I’m telling you), but I still wasn’t really sure what the vibe was. He was kind of weird and hover-y, to be honest. Looking back, maybe we shouldn’t have left her alone, but how were we supposed to know what to do? She said it was fine!
Anyways, then she ditched us at lunch for like ever, and suddenly she was always with him or his weird sister Alice. It was seriously messed up. Like, I was happy for her and everything, but it did kinda feel like we were just replaced as soon as she got with her weird pale boyfriend and his family. But, whatever— her choice, you know —and that’s how it was for a long time, and it just became normal. Except for weird little instances like when she showed up with a cast, and there were all sorts of rumors about them breaking up and her running off to Arizona. Don’t know what the fuck that was about, but yeah, mostly normal.
Until— get this —he leaves. All of the Cullens leave. One day, they’re here, and the next, they’re gone. And Bella is wrecked. I mean, like, seriously fucked. And honestly, it shouldn’t be that serious! We all get dumped sometimes, and they weren’t even together for that long. I'm not even trying to be rude, but I think she might benefit from therapy. She didn’t say a word to us for months. For a long time, she just sat at their old lunch table and stared into the distance like they were gonna come back. Like, come on, girl, get a grip! It’s embarrassing!
Then one day, she came back to our table, sat down, and started talking to us. I mean, glad for the progress, but still kinda awkward. I’m trying to be a good person, though, so I agreed to go to the movies with her; why not give her a second chance, you know?
That might have been a mistake. I think she’s beyond saving. First, she picks this weird horror movie instead of a fun rom-com (any normal, sane person would choose that). So I’m stuck watching zombies eating each other for hours— gross. Then I’m trying to have a conversation with her about her problems, and I’m just expressing that she’s not the only one who has issues —Mike has been so confused about our relationship status, and I don’t even know what to do anymore— but she’s clearly not listening to me, and instead, staring at some weird creepy guys on motorcycles. She then suddenly gasps, and then— seriously, what the fuck —tries to DITCH ME FOR THEM— some random creepy ass guys on the street!
I just can’t do it anymore. This bitch is so weird, I’ve simply had enough of her weird ass.