The NORMAL is The Lamron’s April Fools Edition of its weekly newspaper. Please keep in mind that all NORMAL articles are satire*.

* While The Lamron encourages discussion, all comments that include harassment or any sort of hate speech will be deleted promptly.

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Against the Wall: Romance within the Geneseo hockey

The locker room was almost empty. Most of the guys had already showered and left, but Stephen lingered, running a towel over his damp hair. The rink was quiet now, the sharp echo of skates against ice replaced by the distant hum of the Zamboni— he wasn’t alone.

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Geneseo upgrades to Division I

On Monday, Mar. 3, 2025, SUNY Geneseo Athletics reclassified their Division III program to Division I after bypassing the minimum five-year period of being Division II. Due to the impressive performances by both varsity and club sports teams, the National Collegiate Athletic Association (NCAA) recognizes the triumphs of past and present years. 

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Geneseo hockey team looks to romance books for advice

The Ice Knights have been Geneseo’s shining stars for a long time. While their performance on the ice has been spectacular, they have been looking into new performance enhancers off the ice. Some may assume the players will be using unsafe substances like steroids ​​to enhance their athletic or physical performance; however, I must report that this situation is much more serious and infinitely more dangerous. 

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Nothing new— New York Giants suck

The New York Giants are horrible. For the last decade of my life, I have had to watch this “professional” team make poor decisions after poor decisions and pretend that I was having fun. Today is the day I finally rant about the New York Giants for about 500 words.

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