Participate in the College Green Relay Race!
Photo courtesy of Photo Editor, Faith Zatlukal
Be sure to not get caught by a campus photographer like this poor student. If you are really unlucky, you might even end up on the Geneseo Instagram page.
*SUNY Geneseo is not responsible for potential injuries inflicted during the race
Are you a lonely, vitamin-D-deprived young adult? Has it been months since you have touched— or even seen —grass that does not resemble your roommates' damaged blonde hair? Never had an excuse to leave your dorm bed and get your blood circulating? If you are a student at SUNY Geneseo, the answer to all those questions is “yes.”
To remedy these problems, Geneseo Early Morning (GEM) will be hosting its first College Green Relay Race! This event is open to students of all years and majors and, as the name suggests, will be hosted on the revered College Green from 5:00 am to 7:00 am on Tuesday, Apr. 1.
To encourage socializing for socially-awkward students, this event will randomly split people up into teams of three and feature a relay-style race, meaning every member has a significant impact on their team's success. In other words, athletically unfortunate students will be subjugated to public shaming by their peers.
Many readers and potential participants may be asking: What is a relay race without obstacles? GEM will separate the Green and relay race into three sections to satisfy this desire, picking obstacles Geneseo students are well-equipped to handle. Students running first can expect to jump over construction cones and police tape, avoiding these barriers to reach their destination.
When the second student receives the baton, their job is to sprint fast enough to avoid being caught by camera flashes. Use strategy and choose a fast runner for this position— if photographers capture a clear enough photo for your teammate to end up on social media, the runner will have to restart.
The final obstacle may be the most challenging (and dangerous): the ice race. GEM has overshot its budget to install synthetic ice for the last third of the race. These runners no longer have the comfort and safety of stable ground; watch as they employ the Geneseo-acclaimed “penguin walk” (a shuffle walk with a forward lean), a technique as humiliating as it is slow-paced.
The College Green Relay Race will be a morning of fun, ending with awesome prizes! Winning teams can look forward to magnets of campus celebrity Michele the therapy dog. Not every student may own a fridge— let alone a magnetic one —but that does not matter; Michele’s sparkling radiance will ensure satisfaction and fulfillment within every winner.
Those interested in attending do not need to sign up. They will be included as long as they are present on the Green at 5 am on Apr. 1. Unfortunately, the Green will be closed to non-participants during this time. Thus, trespassers— including hammock-laying hippies and spike ball cult members —will be burned for any interruption.
Step out of your dorm, call in sick for those clubs you never attend, and enter a race filled with sportsmanship, competition, and fun! The first three people to attend will receive exclusive merchandise from this event, so set your alarms and get there fast. This event will be the biggest on campus yet, so you do not want to miss out!