We need to ban TV
Photo courtesy of Pexels
With secular influence stripping God from our media, Karen White shares her insights on how fellow mothers can discipline their children to ensure their leisurely activity stays sinless.
Like Jesus himself, I have been resurrected to this platform to speak out against indecencies in our media. That’s right, my darling bitches, my bob has fresh, chunky highlights and my thigh-high boots are on, ready to walk you right into enlightenment. Last time I was here, I drew attention to the pornography, marketed under the guise of “books,” that our children, including my darling Everleigh, were consuming. I have since learned that this genre, spawned from Satan himself, is referred to as “smut.” Then, I immediately changed our white Shih Tzu’s name— how was a righteous and innocent mind like mine supposed to know?
This time, I come on here to regretfully admit that my little Everleigh has not learned her lesson— even after I forced her to chuck out the Colleen Hoover and “dark romance” (I assume that means romance novels where the lights are often turned off— or to put it bluntly for my fellow naive moms —the characters engage in a lot of coitus).
I came home from the PTA meeting, exhausted from hearing Susan brag about her trip to Italy with her new boyfriend. None of the other moms had the gall to tell that botox nightmare her children rely on them for car rides, and that her knee-length coat can not hide the pounds she gained from that trip to carb-city.
When you're my age and dealing with a narcissist as the PTA president, all you want is to come home to your daughter knitting baby hats for an upstanding man with a mullet, 4x4 SUV, and good ol’ American flag next to his front door. To my dismay, my penciled-in waterline eyes saw two naked adults on my living room television.
I naturally chucked my daughter’s Stanley towards the screen. Everleigh insisted it was not porn, showing me the Hulu logo as she pressed the remote. I could not believe it; pornography has crawled into our streaming services, incriminating and hypnotizing our children under the disguise of “television.”
Everleigh claims that every modern television show has at least one sex scene. I think this is a lie— these erotic programs must have a magnetic pull on my baby girl specifically. I cannot imagine why. What 18-year-old girl is thinking of such impurities at that age?
Since then, I turned on the child-lock setting so that Everleigh’s curiosity would not allow her to stumble upon such indecencies. I strongly advise you to do the same with your kids. To wash her filthy mind, I made her sit and watch the live-action adaptation of the Bible as I scrubbed the spray tan stain she left on my couch.
Apparently, the truth of the gospel is too “terrifying” for our youth because Everleigh began to scream when children in raided cities were beheaded in front of their parents— my gosh, this generation is soft. Not only is this an entertaining and educational way to learn history, but it is much more virtuous than watching two college kids wrestling on a twin bed.
I think directors forget that Christians dominate this country, which means material with sexual undertones and subtext is banned for children raised like Everleigh— whether or not it is shown on screen. My darling will simply have to wait until she is married— though, with everything happening with the gay frogs and government weather weapons, I wouldn’t be surprised if marriage itself is outlawed by the time Everleigh is ready to wed.
As punishment, Everleigh is banned from reading or browsing Hulu's child-friendly section for the next month. I understand if you think I am some sort of tyrannical monster— younger Everleigh used to fear my thin brows and screeched when I arched them —but let my slim lips tell you I have some mercy.
My daughter brought home some sort of comic book, pleading with me that it “technically wasn’t a novel or TV show,” and, like the Lord himself, I gave her another chance. The two young men on the cover seemed to be very close— hopefully, some male camaraderie will remind her that real masculinity still exists in this barren world and encourage her to finally find a man of her own.