I know, for the ladies, it can be quite difficult to attract a suitable man to take care of you and your future children, but I have some key tips to find and nail down the right one. 

You may know of The Lamron as the newspaper you put down on your floor for your dog to pee on, the kindle of the fire that you burn in the Onondaga field to feel something, or the stuff you used to wipe your butt with. Little might you know, however, that The Lamron is also a student publication, made by real-life people who actually “work” on it.

We have gotten word from an anonymous student that their friend Jack Signal has been hoarding 69 animals for two weeks, including over spring break, in dorm room 420.

As the semester progresses, new developments in health and wellness have come forth, courtesy of the SUNY Geneseo Facilities Office.

Students campus-wide woke up yesterday morning to flocks of thicc, flightless birds (not penguins) surrounding all major eating establishments in SUNY Geneseo. The Orwellian nightmare seems to have come about overnight, the University Police Department (UPD) being too distracted by giving out parking tickets to notice the flocks being moved into position.

Riding off the great success that the Geneseo Ice Knights have accomplished this season, the State University of New York Athletic Conference and SUNY Geneseo have made the decision to rename the ice hockey team. There was a lot of chatter going back and forth between head coach Chris Schultz and assistant coach Kris Heeres to decide what they should rename their team. Names thrown around included: the Geneseo Ice Kangaroos, the Geneseo Ice Koalas, and the Geneseo Ice Kittens.

The Zodiac has been used to determine many different things, with each sign having its own quirks and traits. It’s time we addressed the question that’s been plaguing everyone’s minds—which sign is the best in bed?

Dearest Reader,

As Netflix wraps up its second and final season of Bridgerton, I find that now is as good a time as ever to speak about my personal qualms with the newest episodes. I realize that most everybody sees Bridgerton as a quaint and rather unattractive account of the 1800s, but I found that many of the final episodes and their ‘creative’ decisions are actually worth talking more about.

It’s never uncommon for children and teenagers to bemoan their circumstances as “the worst.” Growing up, everyone has had a moment of thinking, “no one else has it as bad as I do.”  This could stem from being unable to attend a party at school, not receiving a certain toy on Christmas Day, or begging your parents repeatedly for a dog and hearing them say, “We don’t think you can handle the responsibility,” even though you’ve tried to tell them that you do know how to take care of other things, like that time you babysat your sister, remember, even though they claim that she “crawled outside” because you “didn’t bother to lock the front door” and “really, who does that when they’re babysitting?”

Recent reports of shitty Wi-Fi have been circulating across campus. Thousands of students have run mad in the streets of Geneseo, causing utter chaos at having no access to dumb cat videos, Only-Fans, or Yik Yak. Store fronts have boarded up their windows, locked their doors, and unleashed war cows on the sidewalks of Main Street to protect themselves from the onslaught of college students.

This past Sunday, Mar. 27, the Saint Peter Peacock’s overcame historical odds by beating the North Carolina Tar Heels as the first NCAA 15th-seed bracket to advance into the Final Four. The small college located in Jersey City, New Jersey has received unprecedented acclaim from both college basketball fans and March Madness enthusiasts.