SUNY Geneseo Facilities Office employee says pink cotton candy in walls of former Milne Library is edible, free to students

As the semester progresses, new developments in health and wellness have come forth, courtesy of the SUNY Geneseo Facilities Office.

As everyone knows, Milne Library was shut down and is set to be completed with renovations in the 2024-25 year. During these renovations, pink cotton candy was discovered within the walls of the former library. Who knew? As of today, the Facilities office has approved the students of Geneseo to take it, free of charge. 

An official of the Facilities Office, Hanky Pankey, explained, “We are a generous school, and our students will benefit from the cotton candy…might even make some happier and smarter. Though, do mind how much you eat—you can get a little gassy from that much sugar.”

During the search of the forbidden mineral asbestos, heating vents were misdirected, enabling the creation of hundreds of pounds of cotton candy within our beloved library walls.

“It tastes okay—I expected it to be better given how long it must have taken to be created,” an anonymous student said, looking very green. Simultaneously, the student’s friend stuffed his mouth full of cotton candy beside him, looking quite ashen due to the amount he had consumed. 

“It may be best for some of our students to pace themselves…a lot of sugar can kill a person,” Pankey said. “It seems to last a long time, so maybe some of our students can send some to their families, too.”

Throughout the course of the day, students have flocked to the former Milne Library, taking home garbage bags full of the candy.

In other news, students have been falling ill more and more. Local health officials have suggested that this rise in illness could be attributed to COVID-19, though the symptoms don’t quite line up. Perhaps a new variant? 

Until next time, I will proceed to stuff my face full of cotton candy.