The frats are changing locations
Photo courtesy of Photo Editor, Faith Zatlukal
This street already looks shitty enough, might as well shut it down. The frats will love their new homes and again, I do not care if they do not like them.
Are you sick and tired of making the dreaded walk to and from Orchard Street? Well, fear no longer— the Frats are getting a makeover! I have been tasked with the job of moving each individual frat to a new location. And before you ask, no, they have absolutely zero say in this, and I do not care if they hate their new house!
First off, the only frat house that will not be moving locations is Phigs. They are one of the few frats not located on Orchard Street, and I think it should stay that way. Their little mansion is far enough away that people forget about them, which is beneficial for them because they do not exist in the eyes of Geneseo.
They will be getting a new next-door neighbor…DK! As another frat currently located off Orchard Street, they need a little revamping. Erie Hall residents are sick and tired of hearing them party outside any time the sun shines, so they could use a break. Also, why are they so close to the health center? There is no need for that.
A personal favorite of mine will be getting a prime location on campus, Men of Action and Change (MAC). Half of them are hippies already, so their new house will be the college green. They can sleep in hammocks and continue to be academic by sleeping so close to their classes (They still won’t go).
This next change is a bit of a wild card; Omega will give up their house and their barn to move into Welles Hall. Eliminating their access to a roof will hopefully decrease the amount of chaos that they can cause within one night. They will also each be given a canvas to paint to replace all of the lovely paintings on their barn walls.
One of the smaller frats on campus will be getting a new house appropriate to their size. Sig Nu will be moving into one single bedroom in Onondaga Hall. While these rooms are designed to accommodate only two people, these frat men must make do. But, on the plus side, they will only pay the room and board price for one room!
I have no knowledge of this next frat, and I am moving purely based on what I feel in my heart; Theta Chi will be moving to Red Jacket Dining Hall. Both of these things remind me of being a freshman and constantly not knowing what will come next, so I think they are a good fit together.
Crows will be getting just a small change. They will move about fifty feet into the Drum Roll sushi restaurant. Why is there a sushi place at the end of Orchard anyway? Do they want a bunch of drunk people eating raw fish? I do not think so. Crows will be taking one for the team and shutting down that bad news waiting to happen!
TEP, formally known as Kap Sig, will be shutting down. This is purely because I want to see what name they can come up with next. Will they choose another set of Greek letters or follow MAC and devise another funky name? Let's find out!
As for all of the other frats, they can stay where they are or move locations; I don’t care. Nobody goes there anyway.