Flavortown in need of new mayor
It was recently announced that Guy Fieri would be stepping down as the mayor of Flavortown after his eighteen-year run in the public eye. Fieri won Food Network’s “Next Food Network Star” in 2006 and has starred in multiple long-lasting cooking shows ever since. Townies and casuals alike are left wondering who, exactly, could ever take this legend’s place. In the modern age, it is hard to come by a man with frosted tips so frosty and shirts so “dad-at-a-Creed-concert” anymore—he really is the face of an integral early 2000s aesthetic long left to rot.
Bobby Flay was an early standout poised to serve as Fieri’s successor, but many critics have noted that he has not seemed to achieve the same level of timeless and has an aesthetic that is too “finance bro” and less “random guy on the sidewalk who you end up having a life-changing conversation with about the state of existence.”
Gordon Ramsey, of course, has been put into consideration, but there are too many issues involving the logistics of a Brit running a uniquely and deeply American trash community that finds deep solace in big-batch cooking, greasy fingers, and beef by the pound. Some locals also state that local politicians being afraid of Ramsay has been sighted as a cause for his disqualification.
A dark horse pick was that of Alton Brown. In some ways, he is kind of the Crash Course of the culinary personality world and has had a long and varied career. From his more informative and scientific series at the beginning of his career to his “villain-era” in his Cutthroat Kitchen days, he has certainly shown an adaptability that is necessary for any good leader. The main concerns with Brown are that the younger voters might have a hard time connecting to him and that he is running under a third-party position. This further complicates the dynamics for his followers who want to make sure their vote counts and are not casting a ballot that then emboldens their least-optimal candidate.
Due to this discontent, residents of Flavortown have started looking towards icons that occupy the other pillars of “white mom daytime television,” such as HGTV, TLC, and even Investigation Discovery for the millennial, true-crime-obsessed demographic. After petitioning their local legislators, Flavortown was able to open the qualifications for mayor to not solely Food Network-exclusive stars. This was received splendidly by the public and the town’s true fan-favorite has been allowed to enter the ballot: the Property Brothers.
Now, anyone who's ever had cable is familiar with the incomparable Andrew ‘Drew’ and Johnathan Scott. They are an identical twin duo who have had home renovation television in their grip while having a lasting impact on HGTV’s brand and format. Supporters of their cause say that they don’t really, “see any issues,” with having two mayors instead of one, but if forced to pick, many have sided with Drew on the issue. It seems this is largely correlated with the fact that he is the one whose name the general public can more immediately remember.
Residents are cautiously hopeful as election season moves forward, and the public mostly just wanted Fieri to know that he has led them faithfully over the years, and no one will ever truly be able to replace him.