Neil Breen: An American Auteur Part XLVI: Revengeance
Breen? Breen. A Breen-ius, one might say. A filmmaker to surpass Bergman, Kurosawa, Ozu, and Frake-Waterfield.
In the forty-fifth installment of this saga, informing all of the uncultured swine about how much of an absolute mastermind Mr. Neil Breen is, I presented the idea of Breen’s recurring themes of Starkist Tuna Cans and how they serve as a metaphor for the rise/fall of Pablo Escobar; how Breens’ innate fascination with extraterrestrials is NOT a simple-minded rip-off of E.T.—The Extra-Terrestrial; and the intrinsic complexity and sophisticated metaphoric ideas of main characters being a superior A.I.-Alien-Human hybrid. All of these ideas are betterer than anything those hack studio writers could come up with, however, I will be covering a very niche aspect of Breen’s filmography: His hack3r skills.
As with any auteur’s filmography, there is usually one aspect of the film to expect: There will be whimsy with Spielberg, references with Tarantino, and with Breen, in each film he directs, he will play the main character, who—despite his career—will in some aspect be the greatest hacker ever known to man. His first film, Double Down (1283), is a great example. You may remember (1283) Double Down as the vital constituent for my tuna fish article last week. For the uninitiated—firstly, fuck you—this is Breen’s directorial debut and features the masterfully portrayed Arron Brand—the best soldier the government ever had—following the aftermath of the government killing his wife. This forces him to use his elite hacker skills, fifty or so fake laptops, and two Cablevision satellites in the trunk of his car to fight terrorist attacks that he may or may not be the direct cause of—all with help from his magical brain cancer-healing rock. This is a clear reference to Breen’s sick hack3r skills, showing that no matter what is going on in the world, Neil Breen can hack it by hitting a satellite with a wrench, thus creating an electromagnetic magnetron wave that can disable anything he pleases.
In Breen’s next film, Fateful Findings (123456), he plays Dylan, an author whose childhood is full of romance and sci-fi/fantasy wonder. Though it starts generically, as with all Breen’s films, another mystical stone makes itself known to him. Both ten and forty years later, Bree—Dylan is hit by a car and, routinely, afterwards, makes sweet love to his wife while showering in a full body cast. Of course, this scene of making love is badass, showcasing Dylan’s bad-boy attitude—since you are not supposed to get your cast wet—while orchestral music plays. In the film’s final act, Dylan reveals to the world, using his status as a famous author, that he, “...has discovered more information than any hacker ever has,” and uses this to take down corrupt politicians and bank employees. The result of this is a press conference held by these politicians while Bree—Dylan is using his telepathic powers to implode all of the people from his garage—which doesn’t look like my—I mean Neil Breen’s—I mean—fuck! It’s a perfectly normal garage that could belong to anyone. Before exploding the heads of the politicians and businessmen, he did make them admit they were big meanies and deserved this punishment for their crimes; what a nuanced and fascinating stance on corruption! Only Breen has the courage to use his themes of hacking and make it into an incredibly profound statement: “Bad people are bad because of money.” I mean—wow!
Finally, in Pass-Thru (120987 BC), Breen plays a character that is a hacking machine, an AI from the far distant year of the future year, now here to cleanse the Earth of every human being actively harmful to other humans. Now, Breen’s character doesn’t need to use his limbs to hack, no, he can only hack by using his thoughts. This is because, like Jesus, he is simultaneously human, AI, and alien. In the final act, Breen’s character also exposes the corruption in the world, interrupting a news broadcast with his awesome hacking powers to make three people vanish from thin air in an inventive fade editing effect. We can also assume this was the method used to kill the three hundred million people he mentions are gone right after this noble act. This results in Breen delivering a fantastic five-and-a-half minute monologue scolding the human species about how bad they are behaving and that they should look up to Breen since he’s now done all the hard work for them—like a disappointed father. This shows that Neil Breen is a tubular hacker, so much so that he doesn’t even need to type to hack into anything—he can just think it! Then, boom, he hacks it, and it happens like that in real life, too (at least, that’s what I hear anyway…).
Be grateful for the Breen-ius. All you have is all he’ll allow you.