Victor E. Knight found unconscious, intoxicated in the Main Street fountain

Beloved Geneseo mascot Victor E. Knight was found unconscious and intoxicated sprawled on the fountain last night.  

He was found by concerned Geneseo residents who had mistaken him for a car as the shine of lights against his armor mimicked the look of metal.

When interrogated about his actions, he mumbled “Fuck off, yah chicken stripper. Leave me dancing pole alone.”

When Geneseo questioned the beloved mascot’s behavior, he explained he was just being a college student, like every other person. According to Knight, he was voted New York’s Best College Mascot, and he can do whatever he fucking wants.

According to SUNY Big Ideas website, “Through tens of thousands of votes, the people have spoken, and this years’ [2016] winner is VICTOR E. KNIGHT! Through a hard-fought battle, SUNY Geneseo’s Victor E. Knight beat Stony Brook’s Wolfie Seawolf, and the numbers were close in this unbelievable final showdown.”

Granted, this was over six years ago; perhaps the win had gone to his head.

Within this time, he is trying to secure another win. The popularity and love of Geneseo students around the world has perhaps made the stress too much to bear. The administration realized that this was why he was acting out, and Knight was excused for his behavior by the Dean of Geneseo.

He has now made it to round two of the Mascot Madness, and he plans to win again with his superiority complex. Knight maintained that he will be victorious again, though it could be argued that he might be celebrating his win a little too early. 

When asked later on about his drunk and disorderly charges, he claimed, “You didn’t see or hear anything, I was never drunk, you dreamt it. Victors do not misbehave. Ask my boss, I am an angel in armor.”

As he spoke, hoots and hollers circulated campus, championing booze and bongs to celebrate his drunkenness.