Happy Dappy Fucking APRIL FOOLS DAY

Okay people, as you can see this is NOT The Lamron, your regular tomfuckery college newspaper. Here are the rules for The Lamron writers…. 

There are none. This is free reign for us writers. You will see swear words, dicks, strippers, and many more obscene things—but no discrimination (unless we’re talking inanimate objects or people who hit the fountain).

However, there are rules for you as the reader. If we say or do something. Don’t. If we say something is okay… it’s not. And for the love of all things sane… do not eat the pink cotton candy.

We reject any blame or accountability for any harmful or stupid things you do, as you decided to follow the directions of a satirical edition of The Lamron.

You see red, it means bad. Do not do anything in this paper.

Because the paper comes out on Friday, it perfectly lined up with April Fool’s day, so today you get a legendary, funny, and obscene 18-pages of pure foolish writing.

We have been making you unreasonably upset since 1922. Each of your creative sections will make you laugh and look at this paper in horror like a grandmother who preaches purity and all that. 

We DO NOT recommend sharing this paper with any one of your family unless they can appreciate the humor. We also will not be held responsible for the dirty looks any relatives give you if they are shown this monstrosity. 

Please refer to our Instagram with any problems, complaints, or general dissing. To be honest, we don’t care about haters, but the ones who enjoy it, leave your favorite article for us, or just tell us the thing that made you laugh the hardest. Just note, all haters will be banished and forever dissed by The Lamron community. Yes, your name is included.

SA did not approve these obscene messages.

And to protect the identity of all our writers, all shall exist under pen names. With great taste. Or not.