TechKnights coming to Geneseo
As SUNY Geneseo prepares to join the Empire 8 conference, the Knights intend to add an esports team to their list of varsity squads. Shortened from “electronic sports,” esports have been sweeping the world with competitions that feature anything from simulated football to simulated warfare. The TechKnights, as they will be known, are expected to become the most popular team on campus, overtaking Geneseo’s coveted Ice Knights.
The TechKnights will consist of multiple sub-teams, each focusing on a different form of gaming. The “V-Team” will be the most elite, as they use the most expensive equipment. The “Virtual Team,” as they will officially be known, is only set to play games that are virtual reality compatible, requiring more physical ability than the traditional joystick, controller, or button-mashing games. The members of this squad are easily identifiable with a head-dent from the strap of their VR goggles present, and their eyes, which are mostly a gelatinous substance after countless hours of immersive, close-proximity gaming.
After them comes the group focused on simulated sports games. It is important to note that these specimens are not strapping on pads, but instead stretching their thumbs before the virtual kickoff. This team consists of those who fully intended to play real sports at a competitive level, but were too lazy to practice and instead refined their gaming skills. Many choose to sport conventional sporting gear such as eye black, mouthguards, and even helmets in case of a rage quit.
The third sub-team is a bit more ruthless and aggression-filled. This team focuses on first-person shooter games such as Call of Duty and PUBG, but looks down upon the cartoonish graphics of Fortnite. This group is constantly yelling and grunting but communicates better than any other squad as their life depends on it—respawning is not an option for them. Equipped with tactical gear such as night vision goggles and vests with oh so many pockets, this camo-ridden team is not to be messed with unless you have heavy artillery at the ready.
As for the most underestimated team, Group RCA holds that spot. This team rides at the front of the bus, and talks about their traditional views on gaming. Group RCA still lives in the 2000s as they play nothing but those shitty tv games that sported the red, yellow, and white plugs. Unlike most noobs, they know exactly what each cord does as they plug in their simple joystick and button game into their boxy 2002 Panasonic television which flickers unexpectedly and often needs the bulb replaced. The team sits criss-cross better than anyone else, and doesn’t need back support to be comfortable. Their games are designed to be played while sitting on the floor, but competitions often have an unexpected twist. Mid-game, a young child approaches them yelling “It’s my turn,” and often will provoke a physical altercation. These distractions are simply part of the game and cannot be avoided.
We look forward to the debut of the TechKnights in the coming years and fully anticipate a conference title within the first three seasons. While they are an unconventional team, the TechKnights will quickly prove just how tough and long awaited they really are.