SUNY Geneseo men’s bathrooms ranked

Yes. I actually did this—over the course of two days, I visited each and every men’s bathroom with the academic buildings on SUNY Geneseo’s campus. Though bathroom critique is no perfect science, I used six general criteria to determine where each bathroom fell in the lineup. These were: overall aesthetic, sink water pressure, quality and quantity of toilet paper, whether or not there was soap, comfort of urination, and comfort of defecation. 

For those wondering just how I accomplished this feat—just know that there was a lot of clenching, hydrating, Arby’s horsey sauce, and McDonald’s vanilla milkshakes. It was a hell I wish upon no other human, but I feel was worth it for the sake of science and the fellow men’s bathroom users across campus. This list will be ranked from worst to best, covering academic buildings, plus the Union.      

Disqualified: Milne and Sturges Halls  

Of course, urinating and defecating in active construction sites was very difficult, especially with no toilet paper or soap. Trust me, wiping with only a discarded pair of gloves was not fun. Weirdly enough, though, the construction workers at Struges made me feel safer, so Milne takes last place, but the two are very comparable.

11. Brodie Hall

Being the home of the fine arts, one would expect the color of the wall tiles to not be a sickening yellowish-green. The stench emanating from several of the rooms was horrid, to say the least. The toilet paper was of poor quality, and four of the building’s soap dispensers were empty.

10. Welles Hall

Most of Welles’ bathrooms were of reasonable quality. The scent was, as expected, unpleasant; the general aesthetic was a beige reminiscent of those grade school assembly steel folding chairs. One restroom housed only a single urinal, however, it was wrapped in a plastic bag with a pool of a suspicious yellow liquid floating at the bottom.

9. South Hall

Out of the many bathrooms I visited on my journey, South Hall had one of the least comfortable defecating experiences, with quite noticeable gaps in the stall door. In addition, there are usually only three urinals per restroom with no barriers in between. This fact incurs a dangerously heightened risk for urinal etiquette to be violated. Also, due to space alone, if two people were using the urinal, how is a third person supposed to comfortably use the third?

8. Schrader Gym and Merritt Athletic Center.

Let’s see you try to defecate comfortably in a bathroom primarily used by gross, sweaty people.

7. Doty Hall

Looks can be deceiving. This is also the way I would describe the bathrooms in Doty Hall. While meant to be a building designed to sell students on spending about one hundred and twenty thousand dollars on college, Doty Hall is somewhat lacking in the bathroom department. Most may not use the bathroom, since the building closes to students at 4 p.m.—because the school hates you in particular—their bathrooms look nice on the outside but lack some practicality and sense of privacy. Doty does, however, have barriers between urinals, which is a major plus!

6. Newton Hall
Newton Hall’s bathroom was another situation where the general aesthetic was pleasing, with some nicely colored tiles, and satisfying sink water pressure. The seat, however, was still warm when I sat down—which drastically decreased the defecation comfort; the rough toilet paper did no favors either.

5. Integrated Science Center (ISC) 

The ISC was host to some more aesthetically pleasing bathrooms, but the experience overall was the definition of “okay.” I must have caught the bathroom following a clean since everything reeked of ammonia. This though, after spending most of the day smelling horrible bathrooms, was actually preferable.

4. Wadsworth Hall

These bathrooms were extremely difficult to find. The overall aesthetic looked similar to a Hot Wheels car that had been played with too much—needs more urinals.

3. MacVittie College Union.

Lots of people use the Union lavatories, and for that reason, these men’s bathrooms tend to be one of the roughest, toughest bathrooms of them all. As an incoming student hotspot, the Union lavatories can also lead to a quick discovery that Geneseo may not have been the right choice, regardless of convenience.

2. Blake Hall

The Blake Hall bathrooms are the lavatory equivalent of a shrug, middle of the road. Not as awful as Brodie, but not exactly pleasant either.

1.  Bailey Hall.

It feels kind of poetic that the worst and best buildings lavatory-wise are right next to each other. While there are issues with Bailey Hall’s toilet, it is the thinker’s toilet and a place where you can go to poo between classes without issue. If you know of the secret downstairs lavatory, Bailey is a nugget of gold in the shitstorm that is SUNY Geneseo’s public bathrooms.

Honorable Mention: The woods outside of the Kap Sig’s house.

In hindsight, this was not worth it.

Newton Hall which has been ranked number 6 on the list due to the warm toilet seat and rough toilet paper.