Immortalized: The Nathan Hubbard Story
For our readers who have been following the intense weekly football picks between myself and assistant sports editor Dylan Dariano, I am happy to report the conclusion of the bitter rivalry. As I’m sure everyone could have predicted from the start, I emerged victorious, as Dariano would inevitably drop the ball at the end. Going into Monday night, Dariano and I had identical records, both at 64-49.
Obtusely, Dariano selected the Arizona Cardinals to defeat the Patriots of New England, a pick suited for a fool like himself. It is worth noting that the Cardinals were not favored to win, but that didn’t stop him from throwing away his chance at immortalized greatness. As I etch my name into the imaginary trophy, I look back at all of my great picks, and would like to personally thank the teams that allowed me to amass such a large number in the wins category, a number that could not be matched.
In Dariano’s defense, the Cardinals lost their quarterback on the opening drive, but that is a part of the game that an amateur would easily overlook. He remained hopeful despite the onslaught delivered by the Patriots, and for that, he has earned my respect. This week was special, though—“the perfect storm,” as I began to call it.
As chance would have it, our fantasy football teams were also squaring off on this fateful week. My team (Discount Double Chark) overcame the miniscule challenge put up by Dariano’s underwhelming squad (Kill Bills). With DeAndre Hopkins and Nick Folk still to play on Monday night, I was only behind by a measly nine points. Such a small deficit was one I overcame with confidence. All wins are delectable, but they are especially sweet when they solidify my spot in the playoffs and send Dariano to the loser’s bracket—or consolation bracket, as ESPN calls it. While I hate to get ahead of myself, a championship will likely be in my future. Meanwhile, Dylan ‘Six-Seed’ Dariano will surely struggle against the others who tried their best.
When asked about his unfathomable week of disappointment, “’twas doo-doo” is what he had to say. Dariano went on to blame a player, Kyler Murray, whose season came to end with a horrifying injury. It is disheartening to see someone kick a man while he’s down, but Dariano clearly knows no limits. While I will continue my celebration with sparkling grape juice, he will continue to sulk and hopefully provide competition in the future. Please note that my 65-49 record is unacceptable in my eyes, but it still beats 64-50.
In a spineless act of defiance, Dariano has doubled down on his disdain for Kyler Murray, saying that he “should’ve played baseball,” a reference to Murray being drafted by the Oakland Athletics in 2018. I must assume that this outburst comes from his passion to win, a passion I truly hope he still holds after such an embarrassing loss.