Growing up as a twin

Being a twin is an experience like no other. There is something unique about the relationship between two people that were born mere minutes apart. My purpose here today is to provide you with an inside look into this relationship, because, as a twin, I have an introspective take on the matter.

There are many different perspectives as to what it means to be a twin and how a set of twins are perceived. Across many cultures, in a set of twins one is classified as “good” and the other is classified as “bad” or “evil.” Twins are used in these cases to represent the fundamental struggle of good and evil. 

Growing up, there were no preconceived notions placed on my twin, Grace, and myself. We were never labeled “good” or “bad,” we just were. We were raised as equals, as is the case in most modern societies today.

When you have a twin, you have a built-in companion. No matter where I went, I always had one person I knew to make social settings less awkward. Like many sibling groups, we always had someone to do things with whether it was running out to get coffee or to get into trouble. 

Individuality develops very differently when you are raised so closely with another person. You would probably think that twins would develop similar personalities as their upbringings are almost identical, but it appears to me that almost the exact opposite occurs.

As we grew up, my twin and I became more and more dissimilar. For example, unlike most sisters, Grace and I did not share clothing. When we were young, we were dressed similarly but were never forced to dress identically; clothing was seen as a sense of individualism further separating our personas. The difference was evident to those around us, as Grace would wear a blouse and a skirt when I would wear a t-shirt and athletic shorts. 

Continuing on with this theme, my twin and I took part in very different extracurricular activities. I joined the band and she joined a community service group. In our younger years, we participated in the same clubs and organizations, but as we aged, we chose to go in different directions, again solidifying our individuality.

I think that sharing things is one of the reasons these individualities were so important to us. We have shared birthdays, possessions, and friends in our lives, and we craved any difference we could get.

Birthdays will be something that we will always share, but we do have control of some of the aspects. For instance, for our birthdays, my mother would make sure that we each had our own cakes so we could express ourselves. She also had people sing the birthday song twice—once for each of us. The recognition of us each as individuals gave us that sense of separation.

The biggest possession Grace and I ever shared was our first car. When it came to a car, we each paid exactly half, so it was fair. We split the cost of gas down the middle as well, again, to keep everything fair. Everything had to be fair regardless of what it was. 

While sharing a vehicle, our differences became blatantly apparent. One example that immediately comes to my mind is our difference in musical taste. To help us “make things fair,” we had a schedule as to when our respective music would be played. 

As we got older, our friend groups split, and we became more individualized. As our interests diverged, we ended up within different cliques in high school. I ended up with the band nerds whereas she ended up with a group with a much different social status.

With all that being said, the bond I have with my twin sister is the closest bond I have in my life. There have been many challenges and differences, but I wouldn’t change any of it. So, next time you say the phrase “I wish I had a twin,” I ask you to reflect on how different your life may have been if you had one, and whether or not it is actually worth it.