What your favorite French fry says about you
There is no doubt that French fries make the top ten of America’s favorite side dishes, especially when paired with a cheeseburger. They have become a staple of American cuisine, practically synonymous with American culture. Honestly, fried potatoes of various kinds are probably our nation’s favorite food.
Given that there are so many types of fries that exist, I propose that your favorite type of French fry says something about who you are as a person and your personality. The diversity among French fries mimics the diversity among humans that we see in the real world. So, without further ado, the breakdown.
First up, we have straight-cut fries. These are the long thin fries that you get from McDonald’s, a very classic type of French fry that most people are familiar with. Even if you don’t like McDonald’s fries, you have probably had these on more than one occasion. If this is your favorite type of French fry, you are a very basic person. Your favorite TV show is probably “The Bachelor,” or “The Vampire Diaries,” or whatever is new on HBO. Your dorm is either minimally decorated, or you based your room decorations off of something you found on Instagram, TikTok, or maybe Pinterest. Your favorite pet is either a dog or a cat, but for now, you probably have a goldfish or a gerbil.
If your favorite type of French fry is curly fries, you are more of the free spirit type. You are a “good vibes only” kind of person, without the toxic baggage…or maybe with the toxic baggage (I don’t know you; I just know your favorite French fry. Chill). You might be into astrology, but for the same reason a lot of people are into their Hogwarts house—it gives you a group to define a part of yourself with, but ultimately you don’t actually believe it’s true. The interest is pretty low commitment. You’re also secretly self-conscious, but you're just killing it at life, and everyone else is too busy with their own baggage to notice.
If your favorite type of French fry is a sweet potato fry, you let everyone know it if the topic comes up, along with all of your other opinions. No one can change your mind without significant debate, but in many ways, this symbolizes your fierce loyalty to your social network, which is more likely to be a small group of close friends than a large group of acquaintances. You are also very passionate, and once you pick a hill, you are ready to die on it. You are probably very athletic, or at the very least competitive; you are a very kind and generous person, but you can have a temper at times that might surprise someone who doesn’t know you.
If crinkly fries are your favorite type of French fry, you are really struggling. This semester has been tough, hasn’t it? Maybe even the last two or three semesters? That one professor is just piling on the workload like you don’t have any plans this weekend; and that thing you were going to do got canceled; and the Wi-Fi is being finicky; and you wish you knew what you wanted to do with your life so that at the next family dinner you can tell your family that you aren’t a couch potato anymore. No wonder crinkly fries are your favorite. The only French fries you have had the emotional bandwidth for right now are the dry, freezer-burned crinkly fries at 3:00 a.m., microwaved to lukewarm, after you sacrificed your last drops of blood, sweat, and tears for your bachelor’s degree. It’s okay to not be okay. You can schedule a session with a licensed mental health counselor at Lauderdale here. You should think about it.
Finally, if your favorite French fry is the waffle fry, you are at the top of your game. The song “good 4 u” by Olivia Rodrigo is about you. Everyone is out here trying to piece together their life while you just strut through it like nobody told you it was supposed to be hard. You are probably a STEM major and your grades are on point, or at the very least good enough for now. You are probably doing way too many extracurriculars, but you keep telling yourself it’s fine and that you really only need five hours of sleep. Funny enough, you probably also could use an appointment with Lauderdale Mental Health Services, because no matter how much you are killing it, you might still feel like the crinkly fry gal on the inside.
Wow, that was an emotional rollercoaster. Remember, don’t take any of this personally. I don’t know you, just your favorite French fry. Do with this information what you will—it probably won’t help you with much, but hopefully it does something for you.
