What your favorite warm beverage says about you

As we finally enter the season of cool weather, many of us start reaching for our favorite warm beverages. In this article, I will be judging you based on what your beverage of choice is. This is nothing personal—but if you get offended, that only confirms how right I am.

Let’s start things off with a lovely cup of tea, also known as dead leaf water. Let the record show that I have nothing against tea drinkers, as I partake in its consumption from time to time, but people who exclusively drink tea are a force to be reckoned with. If your favorite warm beverage is a nice cup of tea, you are one of two things: absolutely insane or the most chill person ever; there is no in between. Let’s think about it, the first person to drink tea must have been the town weirdo. Who else is throwing dead leaves into a pot of water and then drinking it? That being said, you are probably one of the first people to defend your friends—even if they are wrong.

On the complete flipside of that, if you enjoy a cuppa, you are very laid back. Deadlines mean very little to you and you go with the flow. Academics may not be your strong suit, but you are a good human. You tend to be one of the solid points of your friend group and are there for everyone all the time. 

When it gets cooler out and you find yourself reaching for a cup of hot chocolate, you have made it one of two ways: with water, or the correct way, which is with milk. Let’s start with you water chocolate people. If you can’t already tell, I am not your biggest supporter; not because you are a bad person, but just because you have bad taste. As a chocolate water drinker, you have very strong values even if they are rooted incorrectly. You like to make life harder for yourself than is necessary and you take no nonsense from anyone. 

Moving to the people who actually drink hot chocolate correctly—you are probably a morning person. Your life is probably going very well and you are on the Dean’s list every semester. You are often “too nice” which can get you into trouble, but that is just about your only flaw.

If your choice is coffee, and you are a real coffee drinker, you have probably been drinking hot coffee forever, as iced coffee is for chumps. You are a morning person solely because of coffee and cannot get anything done without it. That being said, you never miss a deadline. Ever. Your friends can call you any time day or night, and you will still be awake and ready to go. If you miss a cup of coffee though, you are the worst person to be around.

Nothing beats a warm cup of apple cider—if you are a basic human. You like all the stereotypical fall things like picking apples and doing corn mazes, but that is about it. You would never be caught dead raking leaves or winterizing your yard. As for your personality, you are pretty plain, except for your affinity for the fall. 

This last drink is not one that is typically consumed hot, but some people do it, and those people are psychopaths. The beverage in question is eggnog: you either love it or you hate it. If you love it and love it warm, we are going to have issues.

If you like this hellish drink warm, you have no regard for human life. You do you, and you don’t care about the consequences of your actions. Your friends are insane just like you and academically you are doing pretty well for being an undeclared major. You have absolutely no idea what you are doing with your life and you are completely fine with that.

That is my analysis of you based on your hot beverage choice. Personally, I am a coffee drinker and I hope to never know a hot-nog drinker. Happy warm-beverage-drinking, and I hope you stay cozy.