Boneless wings are a lie
The boneless wing is an act against nature. How can a wing be boneless? It can’t. There is no such thing.
Wings from The Village Tavern, courtesy of Photo Editor Kate Rodgers
The only correct way to enjoy a chicken wing is on the bone.
A wing is classified as having bone, tendons, ligaments, muscle and fat. The boneless wing lacks not only bone, but tendons and ligaments. By all classifications, a boneless wing is nothing more than a glorified chicken nugget.
At this point you may think I am full of it, but there is evidence that backs up my claim. According to an article written by Donna Berry for Meat+Poultry.com, “[Boneless wings] are typically formed from breast meat and are a spin-off of the breaded chicken nugget.” If anything, boneless wings should be classified as “breast chunks,” because that’s all they really are. Real wings are flats and drums, not chunks of breast meat. Saying a boneless wing is a wing is like saying that someone’s arms and chest are the same when they are not even close.
By that logic, you may now be thinking “why are drums or legs classified in the wing category?” That's because a wing and a leg have much more in common than the wing and the breast. Both legs and wings have bone, tendons and ligaments, as they are both extremities of the bird. Unlike the boneless wing, these similarities put them on the same plane.
A secondary form of classification can also come in the form of preparation and serving. Many people could say that a chicken wing is classified by the way it is prepared or what kind of sauce it has on it. But chicken nuggets could be doused in the same sauce as a wing, and does that change its form? No. You can put a dog in a bee costume, but it is still a dog. The same goes for the boneless wing—you can put whatever you would like on it, but in all actuality, it is still a chicken nugget.
The boneless wing was created to please the consumer (the consumer being people who do not fully respect or understand the marvelous complexity that is the traditional wing). The purpose of this creation was to bring in more profit for big chicken companies. By doing this, the invention dishonored the all-American classic.
The only possible way in my mind that a boneless wing could be created is if it were to be solely made from meat from a chicken leg or wing. No company is going to take the time to go through and debone thousands of wings to fulfill this demand, thus leaving people with a disappointing knockoff.
The one and only good thing about this creation is that it allows children to be introduced to the wing concept at a young age without the parent having to worry about them choking on bone. Of course, once a child is old enough, they should be transferred immediately to the classic wing to avoid confusion.
Because Geneseo is so close to Buffalo, it is a disgrace that we allow this travesty to occur in our own backyard. There is only one true way to enjoy a wing, and that is on the bone!
Boneless wings are wing wannabes. End of story.
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