G-spot: Kink 101 part 4: Impact play
Spanking is often one of the first elements of kink that comes to mind when BDSM enters a conversation. This is partly due to its common portrayal in BDSM scenes in books, television shows, and movies. But there is a lot more to spanking, or how it is commonly referred to in the BDSM world: impact play. Before getting started, it is important to know the basics.
What is impact play? Well, it is any sort of impact, whether with a hand or toy, that brings a partner sexual gratification. According to Healthline, “If you’ve ever had a partner palm your bum during sex or teasingly whip your hip with the towel after a steamy shower, you’ve engaged in impact play.” Impact play is more common than one might think, and usually is defined by hard pressure from one partner that brings a feeling of gratification to the other. The pain causes the body to release adrenaline, which can be pleasurable during sex. Impact play is often associated with sexual scenes, but is often used in relationships as a way to relieve stress.
Safety is incredibly important when including impact play into sex. The meatier an area is, for example thighs and butt, are going to be safer to hit harder. However, “you should [always] avoid: ears, head, feet, and calves.” For more information and a helpful graphic on the safety of impact play, please check out this article by BDSM Deviant. It is important to know that regardless of the magnitude of impact play you and your partner participate in, there are always risks considering. Safe words are also incredibly important to follow and remember. For resources and information on safe words, read our previous article on safe words and hard limits As a reminder, any impact play enacted without explicit consent is considered rape and assault.
Personal preference is a huge part of impact play, and some experimentation and discussion are always needed between partners when introducing impact into sex. Before any scene, make sure all elements are fully communicated and agreed upon. Healthline writes that “Yes, there are universal rules of where you can and cannot hit. But folks have individual preferences, boundaries, and triggers. To find these out, you and your partner need to communicate, communicate, and maybe communicate some more. Before play, [ask your partner] the questions below: What do you like your bits called? What names do you like to be called, if any? Have you had any experience with impact play before? Where do you want to hit? What do you want to be hit with? How do you feel about marks? If OK, where do you like them? Do you bruise easily? Do you have any medical concerns to be aware of? Do you have any allergies? Is this going to be sexual for you?” Asking these questions allows both partners to feel safe before a scene and creates open conversation about each person’s wants and needs.
Impact play comes in many different forms, such as tamer options like slapping or spanking, to more intense like punching, kicking, flogging, whipping, and caning. Since this is an introductory article, we will be focusing on slapping and spanking. “Slapping is basically hand spanking that happens on body parts other than the bum.” It is recommended that when starting out with impact play to always stick to meatier surfaces before moving on to more delicate surfaces such as face cheeks, breasts, penis, or pubic mounds. Remember to start with light taps before moving onto stronger ones.
I’m sure we all know what spanking is, but for those who need a reminder, it is any impact on the buttocks area. Spanking is great for those who are new to impact play because the butt is one of the meatiest parts of the body and is fairly safe to hit.
If you and a partner engage in impact play, aftercare is a must. Healthline notes that this “This should include debriefing what happened, sharing what you each liked, and communicating how you’re feeling now. It should also include tending to each other’s physical needs. This could mean: icing any bruises, tending wounds, rehydrating, [and] preparing and eating food.” For a more in depth look on aftercare, check out last week’s G-Spot article.
It is important to remember that this is only an introductory article and cannot cover everything a person needs to know about impact play. Make sure to do your own research before introducing any kind of kink into your sex, not just impact play. As always, check out the linked articles as well as previous G-Spot articles. Make sure to look out for part five of Kink 101 next week in The Lamron.