Signs that a relationship has become unhealthy
Content warning: This article includes content involving physical, sexual, and emotional abuse.
As college students, we surround ourselves with friends, lovers, and partners, creating a support system of our own without adult or parental input for the first time in our lives. But these relationships can turn sour, especially those with sexual and romantic partners. Here are ways to spot whether the relationship you are in is unhealthy, and what to do next.
There are many types of unhealthy and abusive behaviors that partners can exhibit, and the most apparent are physical, verbal, and sexual abuse; the one that is harder to spot is emotional abuse, which can look like intimidation or isolation. This article is going to focus on emotional abuse, but if you or someone you know is experiencing physical, verbal, or sexual abuse in any type of relationship, please direct them to the Geneseo Title IX home page, or if needed, contact the police or The National Domestic Violence Hotline.
Emotional abuse, as defined by Planned Parenthood is, “When your partner tries to make you feel bad about yourself.” This can include hurting your feelings on purpose, blaming relationship problems solely on you, cheating, or constantly criticizing you. It can be something as little as making you feel uneducated, inadequate, or lesser than your partner. Remember that having a relationship with someone means that you are in equal standing with your partner.
Some common signs of emotional abuse, according to Planned Parenthood, include checking your cell phone or email without permission or checking in all the time; putting you down, calling you names, or starting rumors about you; threatening you; extreme jealousy or insecurity; explosive temper; stopping or discouraging you from seeing friends/family; making false accusations or blaming you for causing their abusive or unhealthy behavior; physically hurting you in any way; possessiveness; telling you what to do or not do; pressuring or forcing you to have sex; “gaslighting,” or making you question things you know are true; and stalking.
If you need to get out of an abusive or unhealthy relationship, there are many resources available to students. One option is making a safety plan; this is a plan one can put in place to ensure their safety and wellbeing in exiting a relationship. Love Is Respect has a great tool that allows students to create a plan and look for other resources they might need.
If a friend or someone you know is in an unhealthy relationship, the best things to do are “be supportive and listen patiently. Having you there and getting support can make a big difference. Help your loved one recognize that abuse is not ‘normal’ and they don’t deserve it. If your loved one is open to leaving the relationship, develop a safety plan together and identify resources that can help. The National Domestic Violence Hotline is an anonymous online and phone service that can help.”
Remember that navigating an unhealthy relationship can be difficult, but if you need help, please know that SUNY Geneseo, Planned Parenthood, and many other organizations have resources available to you.