Navigating open relationships
College creates an opportunity for students to explore sex in safe and accepting spaces. It is a time where students can discover how sex fits into their lives, as well as learn new things about themselves and their bodies; however, finding yourself while in a long-term relationship can be difficult for many students. Wanting an open relationship with a partner can seem like a daunting task, but as long as proper communication is used, it can be a great opportunity for those wanting to learn more about themselves.
There are many reasons a partner might want to open a relationship. Healthline explains some reasons that a couple may decide to open their relationship, saying that, “You and your partner [could] both have a lot of love to give and believe you can love more than one person at once. You [may] want to explore your sexuality or sexual relationships with someone of a different gender. You and your partner have a case of mismatched libidos. One partner is asexual and not interested in sex, and the other would like to have sex. One partner has a particular kink or fantasy that they want to explore that the other has no interest in. Seeing (or hearing about) your partner have sex with someone else turns you on, or vice versa.”
Some common misconceptions about open relationships are that it means your partner wants to cheat on you. Healthline responds to this, “People in open relationships have an agreement that having sex or emotional relationships with other people is OK. Plus, while cheating is considered unethical, open relationships — when done correctly — are ethical by nature.”
When asking for an open relationship, honesty is key in approaching a partner. As feelings arise, whether it be wanting to explore your sexuality or gain more experience with other partners, letting your current partner know is the first step. This creates a level of trust between the two of you and opens the floor to discussions about opening a relationship.
Boundaries are also important. Listening to what your partner is and is not comfortable with as well as discussing your own wants and needs is crucial. This allows for both people in the relationship to understand what is expected from the other. Remember that asking for an open relationship can be an opportunity for both partners, so if you expect something from your partner that you aren’t comfortable with them doing as well, you need to reevaluate the terms of the open relationship.
Sticking to set boundaries creates a sense of security in the relationship and allows each partner to understand why and what the other person is doing. Some good questions to ask yourself and your partner include: What information do I want to know? How do I want to share? Who do I share space with and under what conditions? What words am I comfortable using to mark my relationship with others? Answering these questions with a partner is a great way to go about setting boundaries for yourself and your partner.
Communication is necessary. Talk to your partner about what you are feeling, and how they can be a part of your self-discovery and vice versa. A lack of communication can lead to cheating, and going behind a partner’s back rather than communicating with them is a blatant betrayal of their trust. If you find yourself wanting to go against your partner’s wishes, talk to them and reassess the boundaries you made if needed.
Finally, take a moment and decide if continuing to be in a relationship is beneficial to you. You might realize that being in a monogamous relationship isn’t for you when it is for your partner. Remember that your feelings are valid; however, it is crucial to keep in mind those of your partner. If you are looking for more tips on communicating with a partner, check out our article on communication in the modern age.