New dining plan option on campus
SUNY Geneseo currently offers two dining plan options, one with unlimited swipes and one with copious amounts of retail dollars. These may be all good and dandy for freshmen, but upperclassmen often become bored of these after the first year. That is why I have created a new dining plan and Geneseo is going to instate it, because I told them to.
The first thing to know about this new dining plan is it involves a semester-long competition among all of the students who also choose to try the new plan. There will be a total of 5,000 dining hall swipes that students will be competing for. Now, that is not 5,000 per student, that is 5,000 for all students in the new plan, making the competition incredibly fierce. To make things even better, I will be the judge and referee who decides if anyone is cheating or hacking.
Now the question is, what are the competitions in which the students are working through to get these swipes? There is a list of goals, or as I like to call them, quests that students must complete in order to earn these swipes. These quests are divided into two categories, which are titled: “easy shit” and “impossible bullshit.” One category contains easy quests that can be completed by anybody, and the other contains nearly impossible quests with high payouts—you will never guess which is which!
The easy category includes tasks such as taking a selfie with a professor who is notoriously hated. The “most-hated” part of this is very important because the nice professors would be too easy to take a picture with. Again, I get the final say with who qualifies because…I don’t know. I said so, don’t question me, please.
The impossible category is where it gets good. A great example from this category is the vending machine quest. This entails going to all of the academic buildings on campus and taking a photo with every single one. The kicker is, all of the vending machines must be working. This has never been seen before and is therefore rumored to be impossible. Legend has it that one day, though, the vending machines will all align, and some lucky student will be able to earn a large amount of swipes.
There is one more category that I did not mention, however, and this is because it contains only one single quest. The category is “winner takes all,” and includes the grand prize of all 5,000 swipes. That’s right folks, if you complete this quest you will earn all available swipes and everyone else will be left in the dust. You must be wondering, “What could this magical quest possibly be?”
It involves everyone's favorite building on campus…Milne Library. For this quest, one must complete the entire construction project that Milne is currently undergoing in under 24 hours. Friends are allowed to help, but it must be out of the goodness of their hearts—you cannot pay or bribe them to help you.
This new dining plan is set to be up and running by the Fall 2024 semester and will be available to all students both on and off campus. Have fun, everyone!