Donald Trump reveals self-tanning routine
Spring break has just passed, and a large number of people are returning from tropical locations. Those who went have come back with glowing tans from the natural rays of the sun. Many of those, though, that do not travel to warmer locations still desire that “glowing goddess” look, even in the winter. Yet, those self-tanners may cause some to end up with patchy or unnaturally orange tans.
Figuring out ways to make a self-tan seem natural has been at the forefront of the minds of many college students around the country in recent weeks. Many look to former President Donald Trump, who is known for having smooth, bronze, non-patchy tans that he upkeeps all year around, on top of his occupied, influential schedule. The question, then, that is on many American minds is: how does he keep this flawless tan?
Recently, Trump revealed on social media his self-tan routine that could, theoretically, transform many lives. Often, self-tan companies will assert in their directions that one should exfoliate to get rid of excess dead skin before attempting to obtain a smooth tan. The American Academy of Dermatology directs users to, “Use a washcloth to exfoliate the skin before applying a self-tanner. Using an exfoliating product also will help remove dead skin cells. Spend a little more time exfoliating where your skin is thickest, on the elbows, knees, and ankles.” Despite this, Trump has stated that this is, “fake news,” and one should, “never exfoliate or moisturize before self-tanning.” He insists the dead skin cells create a silky texture on the skin, allowing the self-tan to absorb effortlessly.
In addition to the revelation of non-exfoliation, Trump has disclosed the exact brand and technique of applying the self-tanner that he uses—which may come as a shock to many. For one, Trump noted that he does not trust any self-care brands and makes his tanner at home. Trump uses Sundays as an opportunity to create this concoction, dubbing it his “self-care Sundays.” Now, onto the actual recipe; Trump reported that after much trial and error, he perfected his instructions which include only: white body lotion, one juiced baby carrot, and a tablespoon of Betty Crocker’s Super Moist Orange Cake Mix. With these simple ingredients, anyone could create the ideal Trump-tan.
The technique is the most crucial aspect in applying and succeeding with this self-tan, Trump asserts. After mixing all of the ingredients, Trump strips and goes into the process fully naked in his bathroom with nothing but two mirrors, his fusion of ingredients, and two, hard-working American hands. Trump explains that having two mirrors is significant because you can see both front and back without having to turn around completely. Then, with the setup complete, Trump takes two fingers on each hand and begins applying on his shoulders and arms first. Once he gets to his gluteus and pee-pee, he bends over with his head and arms through his legs and applies from there. Since this self-tan is homemade, food-grade, and natural, it is confirmed as safe for all areas of the body.
Once the tan is applied, Trump stands in his bathroom, making sure not to smudge the tan for exactly five hours and two minutes. The two minutes are important, Trump states, because it ensures that the tan is completely dry and can crumble in the hands of those who touch it. Most self-tan companies express that one should shower after tanning but Trump, however, does not. The former president refuses to shower for one week after application to guarantee that the tan has been entirely absorbed into the skin. Those around him may fret as they can smell his odor due to this choice, but Trump has affirmed that he does not become stinky. He argues that Betty Crocker’s Super Moist Orange Cake Mix envelopes him in a fresh citrus smell all week long. Then, once it is time to apply again on Sunday, he showers once and repeats the routine to ensure a glowing tan throughout the entire year.
Trump only encourages his voters to try his self-tan routine, as he does not want his haters or non-supporters to appear as attractive and bronzed as he himself is.