Marriage is a business agreement, not just a personal one
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Over the past century, there has been more than one global shift regarding what the word “marriage” means. For the majority of recorded history, marriage has been a contractual agreement concerned with survival, resources, and the continuation of the species (bow chicka bow wow).
The agreement was simple: one partner, usually a man, would provide for all of the physical needs for the cohort, including food, water, shelter, and protection, a dangerous and extremely difficult task that if not fulfilled would lead to the demise of the cohort; the other partner, usually a woman, would provide and raise children for the next generation, another difficult task that required 24/7 work, and was also sometimes dangerous, particularly during pregnancy and childbirth.
Relationships remained pretty much the same until the 60s rolled around, when the sexual revolution hit, and ideas around relationships began to emphasize freedom of choice and a far less stringent social agreement between partners. Eventually, leading up to the 21st century, marriage, and relationships in general, were regarded as sexual and romantic agreements rather than economic or practical agreements.
It is true that relationships do include agreements related to sex and romance: monogamy versus polyamory, what is okay in bed versus what isn’t okay, is liking a shirtless pic on Instagram cheating or not, do we celebrate Valentine’s Day or is it too sappy, and so on. Those are all very important things to consider with your partner for a satisfying relationship; however, very few people fully understand that when it comes time for marriage, or even moving in together, there are more practical things to consider.
Let's get the big one out of the way: money. It's easy to get caught up in all the warm feelings, romantic date nights, and hanky-panky, but very few people have conversations about where their partner is financially. A lot of couples have conversations about where to go on their next date, love languages etc., but don’t ask how much debt their partner has, or about spending practices, until much later in the relationship.
For example, what do you think an appropriate weekly budget is? $100? $200? $500? What constitutes a big purchase? Is it qualified by costing over a certain amount of money? How much do you think that is, compared to your partner?
These days, when people are getting divorced, it isn’t solely because of money issues, but according to Gabi Shaw’s article, financial trouble increases stress in the relationship, inflating already existing problems and causing emotional strife in couples. So, while money may not be the main reason you call it quits, it is still a supremely important factor in why marriages and relationships fail.
That being said, there are other aspects of the “business arrangement” that should be considered, like the practical side of marriage. Who makes dinner? Who mows the lawn? Who folds laundry, and who takes the car to get inspected? Are you going to have kids? Who will take care of the kids? Is one partner going to stay home while the other one works, or are both of you going to work?
A lot of couples fail to realize how important these issues are until they come to a head. In America today, we see a wide variety of value systems that come together. However, when entering into a marriage or any sort of long-term-live-in relationship, it is vital to make sure everyone is on the same page about the important things—not just about romantic and sexual boundaries, but also financial and practical means.
