To conform or not to conform?

Photo courtesy of Samuel Wiki / Wikimedia Commons

Most of us, at some point in our lives, have likely identified something about our bodies that we wish to change. It is difficult not to view our looks with a critical eye, particularly when we face constant messaging about what we are supposed to look like. Furthermore, we live in a world that makes physically changing those aspects of ourselves entirely possible— whether with impermanent fixes, like makeup or hair, or more long-lasting solutions, like fillers or plastic surgery. 

So, should we change those things? Should we conform to the beauty standards we have been convinced are the best, the most beautiful? If not, how are we meant to support those who do conform, while not upholding the beauty standards we wish to fight against?

Even if it feels highly straightforward to many of us, it is a complicated issue. Many people’s insecurities can feel debilitating, and they may feel that changing their features would add ease and joy to the lives that they find themselves lacking. They may feel that pursuing those changes would contribute to a drastic improvement in their quality of life and their mental health— and maybe it would. As much as we may not like beauty standards, they still exist. So, why shouldn’t we conform? What harm is there in conforming, if it can make us feel better?

I, personally, do not believe that conformity is the solution. I have found many aspects of myself that I wish to change throughout my life. There have been times when I wished wholeheartedly for the ability to change those features, when I was filled with the determination that, when I could, I would. Now, though, having put in the work to accept myself and how I look, I am incredibly grateful that I did not pursue those changes. 

The harm in conforming, even if it provides relief and maybe acceptance and admiration from others, is that we contribute to and perpetuate the beauty standards that pushed us to change. We uphold the messaging, which gives us our insecurities, and tell others that those standards were correct and that we were made better and more beautiful when we changed our features to fit them. We teach those around us—importantly, vulnerable young people —that they should conform too. 

Rather than support a system that empties our pockets in the hopes that we might fit arbitrary beauty standards— rather than conform to a culture that demands sameness —we should put in the work to show acceptance and admiration to all bodies, all faces. We cannot end the harmful beauty standards that damage our mental health by conforming to them. We can do so by rejecting them, by refusing to hate ourselves and our bodies, and instead choosing love. 

Still, we should not blame those who have decided to change themselves to fit those standards, those who have decided to conform for the sake of their own happiness and satisfaction. They are perpetuating the system, yes, but they are also victims of it. If we are to move forward, together, judgment will prove entirely unproductive. Instead, we should offer understanding, with the steady assurance that those people were beautiful before those changes, despite what they have been trained to believe. We fight the inherent judgment within the beauty industry with acceptance and support.