Stranded at Sea: Navigating the currents of self-doubt and finding your way back to shore
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Taking pride in your appearance can be a taxing feat. Finding the strength within yourself is the first step.
Do you know how to swim? Do you believe that you could survive and find help despite being stranded at sea? Have you ever felt like you were drowning even though you were on land?
The feeling of staring at yourself in group pictures longer than anybody else, analyzing every feature you have, and hating them one after the other. Salt stings and enters your lungs. Watching the hands of the clock twirl for what feels like an eternity as you engulf yourself in the mirror. Pressure keeps building up. Some days, you don’t even bother to walk past it. You’re having trouble breathing. Maybe, even, you buy clothes three sizes bigger to feel smaller because that’s how you feel—small. You’re suffocating in worry.
We’ve all felt the weight of the world and nearly drowned beneath it at some point in our lives, wishing we were someone else, shipwrecked in a sea of envy, with nothing but broken paddles and self-esteem to stay afloat. We feel stranded, untethered, and vulnerable, laying waste to the strong tide that drags us under, until we can no longer navigate the turbulent waters of self-hatred.
You don’t have to confine yourself to the feeling of being a castaway, though. You can survive the turmoil of being lost at sea. When you’re stranded at sea, stay afloat, signal for help, find help, find food, water, and shelter, look for land, and do not drink the seawater.
Stay afloat:
Why don’t you like yourself in the first place? We aren’t born with insecurities, so why do we hold on to them for so long? Ask yourself this question: When I first looked at myself, did I immediately start to criticize my appearance? This applies to emotional and verbal insecurities as well. Did I think I was annoying when I uttered my first word? Did I hate how my voice sounded when I babbled “Da-Da?” The answer to all these questions is no. We formulate our insecurities based on other people projecting their own onto us. Maybe you have been called too skinny, too big, too tall, too short; each insult cuts deeper when it comes out of the mouths of the people we love. You are always with yourself. There’s no detaching or way around it. But you can either embrace this, stay afloat, or sink in the distortion. Besides, what’s the point in pretending to be someone you’re not when it makes you more miserable?
Signal for help:
When you’re lost, it’s easy to get tunnel vision and lose sight of where you are. You may not even bother asking for help when you feel like a lost cause. This limiting belief will only confine you to this negative emotion. It’s in our nature to help others, so rather than making yourself an island, know your body’s signs and when you need help. Allowing something to consume you so deeply that you feel the urge to suppress your emotions and physical needs is not only self-harm but a clear sign to look for a lifeguard.
Find Help:
Asking for help can be vulnerable or even feel embarrassing, but it’s only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing. This is your process, you get to decide how you want it to look and feel. Does finding help look like going to a counselor on campus or getting a therapist? Is it going to a trusted friend or an adult? Is it journaling? You are the captain of your own ship now, and nobody can take that away from you or minimize you.
Find food:
Find things or people that will nourish you. Do you need to eat or change your mindset revolving around food? Do you have to find outlets that serve you and keep you feeling secure? Maybe you need to go on a social media cleanse or disconnect from people who make you feel weak and malnourished.
Find water:
When we deny ourselves our basic needs, we start to shut down. Don’t forget to drink water and keep yourself feeling replenished. Healing is a personal and long journey that looks different for each person. Just because someone else looks like they’re in a better place than you doesn’t mean that they are; if it is genuine, it doesn’t denote the work they have been putting in to better themselves.
Find shelter:
Find people and things that keep you grounded and motivate you to push through. Join a support group on campus, find safe spaces with your friends and family, start a hobby, or find comfort in a piece of media. These things either won’t change or will continue to stay true when we need them.
Look for land:
Create attainable and realistic goals for how you want to feel rather than how you want to look. Some islands look gorgeous but are uninhabited for a reason. These are the foundations that are going to set you up for your future, so be intentional and honest.
Do not drink the seawater:
The way people treat you has everything to do with them and nothing to do with you. Understand that some people can’t and won’t change. Love yourself enough not to beg them to.