You’re not doing it wrong, you’re just not meeting the status quo

Do you ever feel like you’re just not doing college right, like maybe that you didn’t do high school right, like there’s this imaginary person you’re supposed to be and you’re just not cutting it? I empathize with you—for a while, I felt like that too—but I’m beginning to come to the realization that I don’t have to do what others do to be valid. If I’m happy doing my own thing, that’s all that matters. If we were all exactly like one another, the world would be a terribly boring place, yet the standards in place expect just that. You’re not wrong if you don’t meet those standards.

 For some strange reason, in our society, we have these expectations of who we should be and how we should live, even though we're all different people with different backgrounds and experiences. 

Let’s take a look at this just concerning SUNY Geneseo—isn’t it silly to think that all 5,000 and some odd students should be having the same college experience? There’s this pressure to just go wild, join frats/sororities, party every weekend, make loads of friends… but somehow manage good enough grades to graduate. There’s absolutely nothing against doing any of those things and genuinely enjoying them, but we don’t all have to, and that’s completely valid. 

If you would rather spend your weekends reading, hiking, yoga-ing, working—literally anything that isn’t what “everyone else” is doing—that’s okay! It doesn’t mean you’re uncool, or that you’re experiencing college wrong—you’re just experiencing college like you, and you’re the one who matters most in your life.

Now, it’s important to address that for some people these pressures are more difficult, especially when considering intersections of race, ethnicity, gender identity, ability, and so on. This adds a much more serious level of exclusionary and oppressive standards that further the issue of expecting everyone to have this generalized college experience. It’s not just impractical, but it’s harmful. It’s important to recognize if you’re adding to these pressures—even if unintentionally—and to begin perpetuating a different standard, sort of like a standard where there is no standard, where all experiences are valid.

The best days of your life didn’t have to be in high school, and they don’t have to be now—they’ll happen when they happen, simply whenever you feel like you’re having a great day. You don’t have to join the latest trends, or make sure you do what the next person is doing—just do what you enjoy. 

Of course, that’s easier said than done, but recognizing that you opt to do unenjoyable things for the sake of meeting standards is a start. Like I said, you are who matters most in your life, so work on putting you first. Say goodbye to that imaginary person and say hello to the real you! There’s no shame in self-acceptance and self-love.