Idiot’s Guide to the Apocalypse: Four Horsemen-Famine

The four horsemen have come to wreak havoc upon our world; we have already discussed Death and his soul-sucking horse, but this time, Famine is coming out, and there are a couple of ways to help yourself avoid his grasp.

1. Famine does not directly affect you; he indirectly alters your environment to where you lack the resources you need to survive. He will take away your crops, spoil your food, and in the process kill off livestock as well. 

2. Stock up on non-perishables. Surprisingly, Famine cannot affect processed foods. I am not surprised by this; I mean, have you read what’s in them? This includes MREs, canned goods, the doomsday prepper stuff including water and seeds, and other possible resources so you can bunker down and not have to go out (there will be nothing there).

3. Do not consume in excess—use only what you need to survive. It’s bad enough that over seven billion people are on this earth, and our resources can barely handle it. If we do not double resources, famine would take over anyway. There are already many people malnourished by a lack of resources. 

4. Minimize the number of mouths to feed—what could last one person a while only diminishes the more people one has to feed. 

5. Famine goes hand in hand with Pestilence, because malnourished people get sick more easily, so stock up on meds once again. And for people who are like okay whatever, Pestilence kills you quicker than Famine.

6. Famine craves a slow death; it's the way natural selection plays against those who overtake and conquer. I mean, humans have done it for hundreds of years—Famine is just natural selection playing out history, right?

7. According to Sciencing, “​​Tardigrades, also known as ‘water bears,’ are one of the most resilient creatures on the planet. These microscopic animals can survive pretty much anything that an apocalypse would throw at them.” The fact that microscopic organisms have a better chance of surviving Famine than you do is sad—however, not surprising.

8. The death rates are likely to be exponential for those unprepared; if you wish to survive the four horsemen, be prepared for anything—that is the only way you can survive.

9. As for the cults that will be created, don’t join them. Famine does not wish for your faith, only your downfall. They have seen the havoc that humans create and as a result they create such havoc for humans.

10. Once again, your beloved animals are more likely to eat you as malnourishment sets in, so if you do decide to keep your beloved dog or cat, make sure you have the supplies you need for them, because who knows—you might be that next meal.

You must understand that these are suggestions on how to survive, but all in all, use common sense, don’t go up to him, etc., and so forth. Think of this as unwritten rule #11.