Eating disorders begin, and must end, in the home

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We cannot solely place the blame for the development of eating disorders in children or teenagers on the family. We should each examine our own actions and words and consider how they could influence the people around us.

Most of the discourse surrounding eating disorder development (in casual conversation and online) is focused on the impact of media on teenage girls. This has some merit— the body images that the media promotes are harmful and can create or exacerbate disordered eating issues in young people. Still, though, what the conversation often neglects is the clear impact of familial habits and comments that influence a child to develop an eating disorder. 

Before I begin, I would like to admit that I will be largely using gendered language and speaking primarily about mothers and daughters. This is because I am speaking from my personal experience and the experiences I have observed in others around me. I acknowledge completely that eating disorders exist in people of all identities. I am speaking only to what I have observed and experienced. 

I would also like to make it clear that this is not meant to condemn family members— primarily mothers —who have made comments or demonstrated habits that have negatively influenced those they love. It is clear that these people speak and act out of their own unhealthy thoughts, and they, too, deserve empathy. 

In these situations, we often find that women themselves are perpetuating an unhealthy beauty/body standard, having been influenced to work to conform to those same standards. It is a thread and a trend that is very difficult to break. Still, all of us who interact with anyone (so, yes, all of us) are responsible for putting in the effort to ensure the way we speak and act is positive and empowering rather than harmful. 

Harmful words and actions may include what we have recently seen termed almond moms. This term originates from a resurfaced video of Yolanda Hadid when her daughter, Gigi Hadid, calls her, saying she feels weak and unwell. Yolanda responds, “Have a couple of almonds and chew them really well.” Thus, the term almond mom came to define mothers who project their disordered eating habits on their children and encourage unhealthy habits, supposedly promoting health, wellness, and discipline. Since this term gained popularity, we have seen countless examples of mothers doing just that— mentioning how many calories are in any given food item, barely eating, even when out to dinner, and commenting on their own and even potentially their daughters’ appearances. 

This attitude toward health is harmful to both the mother and the daughter in these situations. The mother continues with her disordered eating habits, persisting in her unhealthy thoughts and habits, and the daughter observes and conforms to her mother’s displayed behaviors. Studies have confirmed this pattern, revealing that one highly relevant biological risk factor for eating disorders is having a close relative (first-degree, like a parent or sibling) with an eating disorder. 

There may be a genetic explanation for this, as some areas of the genome may be more likely to contain risk genes in certain families. It is, however, not only genetic. It is also environmental. Family members who display disordered behaviors to their children only increase the risk that their child will develop one, too. 

This is a delicate issue to handle. Those with eating disorders— often mothers who have developed and cultivated their own unhealthy thoughts and behaviors for years —will find it difficult, unnecessary, or undesirable to change. Our media culture also does not lend itself to the end of such thoughts or behaviors, often only encouraging them. Socially, those actions and words are not widely unacceptable— in fact, I would argue that they have become (or maybe always have been) largely expected. 

If you call these behaviors what they are— harmful, destructive, unhealthy —you may be disdained as against health and immediately dismissed as “promoting obesity.” I answer this by saying that I could not possibly care less.

I do not support unhealthy methods of weight loss in people of any size, and any person may develop an eating disorder. I support an individual’s mental health as well as their physical health— and unhealthy, disordered eating behaviors do not support physical health, no matter what someone who has fallen into the trap of that thinking says. 

Change may be difficult, but it needs to happen on a societal level, and I firmly believe it needs to begin in the family. If children, despite messages in the media, find a positive eating culture in their home, they may be less likely to fall victim to the culture that wants them to destroy themselves to fit a certain image. The cycle must end at some point, and the chain must be broken (sorry, Fleetwood Mac). 

Handle those who demonstrate those behaviors with compassion and empathy, but also maintain your confidence and conviction in calling out those actions as wrong and unhealthy. If they remain unchecked, if those who display them are left feeling empowered in their self-destruction, the issue will only spread, not end.