Don’t let the internet ruin your relationship
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Social media can ruin your relationship if you let it, crafting a rift through heightened insecurity, toxicity, and unreasonable expectations. Get off your phone and spend time with your partner instead!
Comparisons, jealousy, arbitrary expectations, toxicity— the internet does a truly wonderful job of promoting each one. When applied to romantic relationships, this can have a less-than-welcoming effect on your interactions with and perception of your partner. It can make its way into your relationship if you let it— so how can we prevent that when we enter a relationship? What should we look out for?
Jealousy is always present where social media is involved. When you open Instagram, for example, you are immediately bombarded with perfectly curated posts— perfectly curated lives. You may begin to look at your own life and find yourself yearning. The same applies to relationships. Online, relationships may present as perfect— no conflicts, no disagreements, advertising pure happiness at all times —but this is not true in real life. Any healthy relationship will have disagreements and conflicts, and the internet should not convince you that your relationship is not working just because it is not perfect.
It can also be difficult to avoid jealousy of your partner’s prior relationships/partners. It is easy to find most people online, and it can be tempting to search their profile and let your jealousy and insecurity fester and grow. It can be hard to stop comparing yourself to their ex and your relationship to theirs. Giving in to that temptation, however, only fuels feelings of inadequacy and insecurity. It only makes you feel worse. Have enough confidence in your relationship— and in yourself —to avoid searching their name and staring at their pictures.
You should entirely disregard any imposed monetary or gift expectations. Yes, your partner should probably give you something thoughtful for your birthday, Christmas, and Valentine’s Day. Still, social media goes too far when it begins to create an expectation of constant and expensive gifts to prove love to your significant other. Gifts can be a great way of communicating appreciation and love, but just because your partner did not give you an elaborate ‘boo basket’ for Halloween does not mean they do not care about you. As college students, the expectation of constant gifts becomes even more unfavorable; we already have limited funds. You should not feel pressure to drain your savings simply because someone on the internet said it was necessary for your relationship to survive.
Social media also creates unrealistic and toxic expectations regarding your partner’s interactions with other people. I myself have come across countless posts debating whether or not it is okay for your partner to have close friends of the gender they prefer. It can be tempting to become wrapped up in those questions— to succumb to jealousy and insecurity —but it is not healthy to do so. Your boyfriend rudely ignoring any girl who approaches him is not a green flag; it is just plain rude. Work on your relationship with your partner enough to not feel threatened by their friends. And if you do feel insecure or jealous, that’s fine! Communicate that to your partner, but do not expect them to ignore people they have healthy friendships with for the sake of your feelings.
It is always important to set boundaries and to make sure that you are being respected and loved within your relationship. Do not let social media decide that for you, though. Any expectations you find online are probably not helpful or healthy. Instead, examine your relationship yourself. Reflect. Consider your needs and wants, consider if your partner is meeting them— and if you can reasonably expect your partner to meet them —and communicate! Relationships can be difficult, and social media can exacerbate that, but you don’t have to let it.