G-Spot: Kink 101 Part 3: Aftercare and subspace

As we dive into the world of kinky sex basics, aftercare and subspace are two very important terms to know in any partnership—but first, let’s review: kinky sex, or as it is commonly called, BDSM (bondage, discipline, sadism, masochism), is introduced into sexual relations to create a safe power imbalance between partners. This puts one partner in the position of power, or dominance, over the other, who is submissive. Due to this power imbalance, the submissive partner can exit a scene feeling exhausted, and may need to recover after a particularly intense scene: this is where aftercare comes in.

Now, what exactly is aftercare, and how do you know if you or your partner needs it? According to Refinery 29, “In the BDSM world, aftercare refers to the time and attention given to partners after an intense sexual experience. While these encounters (or ‘scenes,’ as they're called) are pre-negotiated and involve consent and safe words (in case anyone’s uncomfortable in the moment), that doesn’t mean that people can forget about being considerate and communicative after it’s all over.” Basically, aftercare is taking care of a partner after sex, and communicating about the events that happened during the scene. 

Now both partners can need attention after a scene, but aftercare often is a response from the submissive partner after a scene. Submissive partners can enter a state of mind often called subspace. Healthline writes that “Subspace refers to the trancelike state some submissives experience during BDSM play. While subspace can feel different for different people, many describe it as feeling ‘light,’ ‘floaty,’ or ‘like mush.’” This feeling is caused by a rush of adrenaline, or the body’s flight or fight response; because submissives can be involved in impact play or bondage, a scene often causes this rush of adrenaline.

After subspace, or the initial light feeling after a scene, comes sub-drop. This refers to the downside of reaching the more euphoric aspects of subspace. “After a scene, some submissives may feel depressed, inexplicably exhausted, or prone to crying. This is because kink play can put your body through A LOT.” Sub-drop can sound scary, but it is a natural hormonal response to the increase of adrenaline in a person’s body. It is often compared to the PMS (premenstrual syndrome) that AFAB (assigned female at birth) individuals can experience before a period. 

Sub-drop is why aftercare is so important after any kink scene: “It can help you minimize—or totally avoid—experiencing the lowest of lows often associated with sub-drop. Any post-scene ritual that helps play partners transition from the headspace they entered during the scene can be considered aftercare. It can look different for everyone because everyone has different needs.” Some great examples of aftercare include cuddling, talking about your favorite parts of a scene, taking a shower or bath together, or even taking the time to have individual space.

Aftercare reassures both partners of the other’s appreciation and care. It not only aids the submissive partner during sub-drop, but also gives the dominant partner clarity after a scene.

If you’re new to the G-Spot kink series, make sure to check out all previous articles in the Knights' Life section on our website, and utilize the linked articles by Healthine and Refinery 29. Look out for part four of our kink series coming out next week in The Lamron.