Kink 101: An introduction to kink
The world is getting more interested in kink, and maybe you should too! Kink is something that many of us are beginning to dip our toes into as we become adults and our sexual encounters increase. Being in college, many of our sexual partners are suddenly more long-term, which can lead to experimentation in the bedroom. Introducing kink into a sexual relationship can be daunting, though, and taking the first steps to learn about kink might feel scary. This article will cover the baseline information about kink and is a great starting point for those just getting interested.
First off, what is kink? Well, it’s important to know that “kink” does not have a medical or technical definition. What kink really describes is any sexual encounter or act that is out of the convention. According to Healthline, conventional sex includes “acts such as loving touch, romantic talk, kissing, vaginal and anal penetration, masturbation, and oral sex. ‘Kink’ itself refers to anything that bends away from the ‘straight and narrow.’”
There are many categories of kink, but the main ones include BDSM (bondage, discipline/dominance, sadism, masochism), fantasy and roleplaying, fetish, voyeurism or exhibitionism, and group sex.
Kinky sex has a lot of benefits: according to Healthline, “A 2013 study that both dominant and submissive practitioners of BDSM were less neurotic, more extroverted, more open to new experiences, more conscientious, and less rejection-sensitive.” People who participate in BDSM often share that their experiences with consensual kinky sex, allowing them to be less anxious due to the endorphins released during intercourse. “This is similar to the feeling some get when they experience a ‘runner’s high,’ engage in creating art, or practice yoga.”
It is important to know that there are a lot of misconceptions and stereotypes about kink, the main one being that people who identify as a woman do not or cannot experience or enjoy kink. This is entirely false; everyone can enjoy kink as long as it is safe and consensual. Another misconception is that people who try BDSM are “crazy.” “In mainstream media, BDSM is often associated with abuse and violence. Some practitioners have even faced persecution and discrimination because of their kinks. But studies show that the average person who engages in consensual kink has above-average psychological health.”
Finally, there is a misconception that if you want to start introducing kink into your sex life, you need fancy equipment: “The image of a leather-clad dominatrix wielding a matching whip might jump to mind when you think of kinky sex. But really, all you need is an imagination and a partner who’s game.”
Safety is incredibly important when it comes to kink. Consent is crucial, and especially important when trying out new things. Communication is also incredibly important, and you and your partner should make sure you are on the same page before engaging in kinky sex. For example, make sure safe words are clear and respected. If the sex you are having involves restraints or blindfolds of any kind, it is important to have a fail-safe in place in case a sexual encounter suddenly becomes unpleasant for a partner. Many people use the “red light green light system,” red light meaning stop, yellow light meaning slow down, and green light meaning go. I will be writing a full article on safe words, hard limits, and aftercare in the week after spring break!
Ultimately, kink is whatever you want it to be. When getting into kink, you don’t have to dive straight in with a whip and a full leather bodysuit: “It can be as simple as seeing what happens when you break from your regular bedroom routine and enter a new world of sex.” Start off slow and remember that the keys to having great kinky sex are the same to having conventional sex with a partner: trust, understanding, communication, and patience. Don’t let stereotypes get in your head and just have fun with your partner. Make sure to keep an eye out for future articles as I dive into the world of kink!