Communication in the modern age
Communication is the foundation to any healthy relationship, whether it is long-term or a simple hookup. It’s important to know how to communicate with your partner in order to have the best sexual experiences for each party.
Communication is an essential tool for talking about issues or problems in a relationship, but it is also a great tool for having better sex. Consent and communication means not only taking the time to talk to your partner about what makes you feel comfortable and safe, but also telling them what you like, what areas of your body you like to have touched and how your partner can help you have a better sexual experience.
Communication also requires listening to your partner—communication is a two-way street, and it doesn’t work if only one person expresses their feelings. Couples need to work together to meet each other's needs as well as talk about what is working in bed, and what isn’t. Communication is also a great way to introduce new things in bed, and opens the door to experimentation.
Often, people feel pressured to have sex every time their partner wants to, when in reality there will be times where you want to have sex and your partner doesn’t, and vice versa. Not wanting to have sex with your partner doesn’t mean you don’t love or want to be with them any less, but instead means that you might be tired or just not feel like having sex in that moment. You should never pressure your partner into have sex with you, just as your partner shouldn’t try to convince you to have sex if you say no.
Talking to you partner about all things sex is important. You should talk to your partner about birth control and contraception, making sure that both parties consent and are comfortable with the methods you are using. It’s not only on AFAB (assigned female at birth) partners to decide what contraception to use, but a conversation that both parties should discuss and weigh in on.
You should also have conversations about what you and your partner like in bed. You or your partner may be curious about different ideas that you want to try, or things that you or your partner are not enjoying and want to adjust. An open dialogue is important to make sure everyone is feeling comfortable and satisfied.
So, how do you have healthy communication with your partner? Well, it starts with getting rid of that feeling that talking about sex, or anything in a relationship, is uncomfortable or awkward. Be confident, look your partner in the eye and use a more serious voice if needed. Try using “I” statements, saying things like “I liked it when,” or “I want you to do this,” instead of saying “you did this wrong,” or “you should do this.”
You should also be direct and clear, making sure that you know exactly what you want to tell your partner. Don’t push aside your feelings! You deserve to have the autonomy in your relationship to talk about sex. Being fully open with your partner creates needed trust, and allows both of you the knowledge that you can continue to have this conversation moving forward!
https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/teens/relationships/all-about-communication/saying-no-sex
https://www.plannedparenthood.org/learn/teens/relationships/all-about-communication