Kink 101 part 2: Safe words and hard limits

Though I love writing satirical articles about shrimp reproduction, it’s time to get back to our regularly scheduled program—if you are an avid reader of The Lamron, you will remember a former G-Spot article titled “An introduction into kink, part one,” where I got into the basics of exploring the wonderful world of kink. Well, I am back with part two, where I will be getting into one of the most important aspects of kink: safety.

Safety and consent are the single most important aspects of any sexual relationship, regardless of the level of kink. Both partners need to be on board and excited when having sex and is it always good to check in with partners to make sure both parties are still having a good time. 

Why is safety even more important when introducing kink into sex? Kink is inherently riskier than your everyday vanilla sex—it can involve anything from impact play like spanking to rope playing or tying up a partner. Since kinky sex puts one partner in a place of power and the other in a place of vulnerability, either partner can suddenly become scared or uncomfortable during a scene (a common word to describe an encounter involving kinky sex). 

How do you have safe, kinky sex? The key is communication. Before having sex, always have a conversation with your partner discussing exactly what will happen during the scene; this way, each partner knows what to expect, and there won’t be any surprises.

 Use this conversation as a way to discuss hard limits, or acts that you absolutely will not do during the scene. Heathline writes that, “everyone has different limits and boundaries. While being open to new bedroom activities is great, being open about what you don’t want to explore (as in never, ever) is equally important. Discuss these “hard limits” with your partner openly—there’s no reason to be coy.” If you are the more dominant partner and are uncomfortable tying someone up, or if you are of the submissive partner and don’t want to be spanked, these are hard limits! Communicating hard limits creates an agreement between partner, so that each person knows what lines not to cross. 

Now, a huge part of kink is experimentation, which inherently means trying new things that you might not be sure if you like or not. How does one stop a scene if something they are trying, or are even comfortable with, suddenly feels unsafe? The answer is safe words! 

Regardless of your familiarity with kink, safe words should be clearly communicated and known by each partner. According to Healthline, “Part of your fantasy might involve restraints or resistance—which is more common than you might think…To make sure you can say no in your fantasy world, but still have a way to clearly say no to your partner, use a safe word you agree upon before you get kinky.” As I mentioned in part one, the “red light green light” system is considered the default; however, you can pick any word, so long as both partners abide by and listen when a safe word is said. 

Finally, make sure to check-in with your partner throughout a scene regardless of whether you are the dominant or submissive partner; either person in a relationship can become unsure during a scene, so if you notice your partner is giving off some negative energy, ask them if they are feeling okay! Kinky sex is a blast, but only if both partners feel safe, and a huge part of that is knowing that you can trust your partner. 

If you’re new to the G-Spot kink series, make sure to check out partone, and keep an eye out for next week’s article on aftercare.