How each e-board member would fare in the Hunger Games

With the film adaptation of Susanna Collins’s prequel novel, The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes, hitting the big screen, the franchise's popularity has soared in status once again. This has made me wonder: how would all of the lovely folks here at The Lamron fare in a battle to the death relying on wits and pure physicality? 

You may be thinking to yourself, shouldn’t this be an Arts & Entertainment article? My answer: probably? Alas, never again will there be a scenario in which I have the opportunity to write for the sports section, and this is technically a fictional “sport,” so let the semi-lawless nature of The Normal allow for some leeway, please, and thank you.  

Kaitlin:

Honestly, if pre-existing health complications were not a factor, I think Kaitlin would do very well. She seems to have an endless bank of random knowledge and she gives off the vibe of someone who knows how to tie a lot of very specific knots (I do not know if this is true, it is just the energy I get from her). Her downfall, ultimately, would just be that she is too good of a person. She is not cold enough to win and would ultimately end up sacrificing herself for an ally. I think she would make it past the middle, but not quite into the final bunch: seventh place. 

Kendall:

I think the only advantage here would be pure underestimation. They would bomb incredibly hard during the tryouts and therefore everyone would just not care enough to make sure she is dealt with. Hiding would most certainly be a main strategy, maybe the pure off-putting charisma could get some sponsors sent their way, but there is not a single physical ability to be seen. The experience overall would probably be very similar to a glorified nap before “The Big Sleep:” eighteenth place.

Dylan:

I'm not quite sure what to make of this one. Dylan is a pretty chill, approachable person so I could see him getting pulled into a small team that might kinda dominate the game. He is smart enough to not think that his team will carry him to the end, but I am not sure he could betray them, maybe just run away in the night? I could see him getting a lot of sponsors, again, very personable. I think ultimately though he might panic and it would trip him up and his small group would revolt against him because they would see it as the easiest kill of the group, sorry! Ultimately: tenth place.

Nikolete:

She would be a career. Like, I just feel she would have spent her whole life training for this and maybe even have a bit of a femme-fatale thing going on. I’m getting “throwing-knives energy” from her, and I think she would be good at convincing people she is with them and then turning on them. She would most certainly be a Capitol favorite and they would have her picked out as their winner. At some point, though, I feel like she would get a bad injury from an encounter with another tribute and fall victim to infection because she just does not have it in her to fight with an ouchie: fifth place.   

Nia:

With Nia, I feel like they could either be the underdog of the whole thing or just absolutely fail. I think maybe she would go for the Cornucopia and end up stepping on a landmine. I just feel like their downfall would be environmental as opposed to person-to-person: twenty-third or third, no in-between. 

Regan:

She does live on a farm, so I feel like Regan might be a sleeper pick. She is very sweet, but, has enough of a self-preservation instinct to be a cold-blooded killer if she must. She might be a little better about identifying botanical species, and I think could tough out a bad injury. I feel like Regan just has a lot of willpower and her adrenaline would push her through: fourth place.

Nathan D.:

Tall, loud, clumsy, self-sacrificial. Maybe a little intimidating at first, then—just another number: twenty-second place.

Nathan H.:

I feel like Nate’s ultimate downfall would be that he is just hungry. He eats an inordinate amount of food and just would be missing a higher quality of life. Honestly, I see him more as a Caesar Flickerman type, being the face of the games and giving the Capitol that good commentary for a maintained life of luxury: is-not-there place.

David:

Sweet, sweet David. He would definitely end up getting conned by some careers into making him think they are with him and then they would stab him in the back. Too silly and trusting for this dystopian world: fourteenth place.

Camryn:

I think this take is a rather obvious one. Camryn is funny and deeply kind so the audience would love her, but she also is not afraid to mess someone up. She would be a memorable player, for sure, and add a lot of emotional stakes into the game alongside pure ability. She kinda gives Katniss tbh: first place.

FP:

Would not even try, too apathetic to the whole situation: twenty-fourth place.

Angela:

She would be down for the concept and want to give it her best try. Then, reality would kick in. She would start strong, but lose some steam like a quarter of the way through. I could see her being a hider as well, but maybe get bored and explore around, or stay in the same place for too long so the Game Master messes with the environment near her: seventeenth place.

Nevaeh:

I think ability-wise, Nevaeh has got this. She is a yoga queen and also gives the energy of someone who would know a lot of seemingly random knowledge that would end up being helpful. She seems like the kind of kid who really wanted to be a Boy Scout when they were little but just had to sell cookies instead. She, though, would not be able to deal with the ethical concerns of it all. Her energy is much to, “live and let live,” for all of this: twentieth. 

Overall, I think we as a collective would suck at this, and am grateful it is our job to just edit articles, and not know the proper way to string a bow or skin a rabbit.